I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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