I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
