last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
