shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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