Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
