bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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