im drinking this country out of the recession.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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