I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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