I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
MIDGETS
????
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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