I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
