Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
