Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
