go do what you do best...puke behind churches
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize