Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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