Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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