I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
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