No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
