Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
