I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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