I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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