Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
