By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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