high people should be assigned attendants
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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