yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
