Me. At least after what I've been through.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
