He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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