I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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