Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize