dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
