having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
