girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
