I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my shit smells like andre
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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