I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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