This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
