We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
