we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
