I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
