I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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