I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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