I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
