Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
