It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
