he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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