Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
