the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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