why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you win again, gameday.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
