omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
