If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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