Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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