Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This is the high leading the old right now
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize