That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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