Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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