dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
