My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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