SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
