How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
