This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think I won the penis lottery.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
