I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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