She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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