When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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