Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We need to get me chipped asap
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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