eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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