It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
