I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
