Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
