the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
