in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
