i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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