god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
