Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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